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Writer's Block: Stomach pains

If you had to participate in an eating contest, what food would you pick to eat?

China-food!!!! yum-yum!!!

Writer's Block: Horrible bosses

Who was the worst boss you’ve ever had? Did you ever get your revenge?

   He wasn't exactly my boss, but the boss of a big store I delivered bread to. We're supposed to deliver and pick it up on the shelf in the store. Each time I had to go to this particular store I got such anxious I began to feel sick. The boss at the store prey on those that comes there to deliver. Ecpecially if they're subs. Like me. In his mind we can't do anything right. He is always catty, his words out to do damage. 
   They don't trust those that deliver to do it right. When I bring in my bread they check each box, to make sure the numbers are accurate. Once I had place a box in the truck that was supposed to come with me in (it dropped out of my mind of course), but I remmebred it whilst they were checking the pile I had, so I went to get it. The one that was checking didn't say anything. These things happen to everyone at times. But the boss.... He sneared "can't you count." It wasn't really a question, it was more a you-can't-count-tone. This was in the beginning, before I really knew how he was, and before I got sick to my stomach the second I realized I had to go to that store. So I did what I usually did, tried to joke. BIG mistake. This guy doesn't have any humor at all! Or at least not mine....
   I said "No, when I graduated from school I thought I'd never have to count again." I said it with a smile, and a tone that clearly said that it was a joke.
   He huffed and said "then you shouldn't be doing this work", before he quickly went to do damage to another substitute. I saw her later, as she sat in her small truck, crying. That's one of his goals. If he makes a substitute cry, his day has been made. 
   It's been six months since my first day. I still get sick to my stomach, but I imagine I'm wearing a raincoat, and that all of his words just flow off me. Mostly it works, and I do my best to stay out of his way the times that I am there.
   One day all of his crap will catch up with him. And if not in this life, then definitely in the next.



   I'm sitting here with my sweetie Simi and remember her sister. Or perhaps I should say "sister", because there is no blood bonding them together. The one I mean was my first cat. I thought that she'd live forever.
   When I was 11 we moved from where I was born. The family's cat Shira was expecting, and we didn't dare move her, so she stayed whilst we came over with food. When her time was coming closer, my older sister took Shira in (as her family only was her, her husband and their daughter instead of my family with my parents and five kids) and she got three kittens in the closet (of course). One grey tabby boy. One light grey tabby girl.
   And then her.
   She was beautiful. Tortoiseshells in black, yellow and white. Her chin split in two colours, black and white, giving her her name; Chess. I called her Sessan, and when I came to take her home at 8 weeks, I knew I'd love her forever. I spoiled her. She was not my cat, she was my baby. She slept in my bed together with me. Or on my back. I loved it when she did that! And she protested loudly the times I was forced to move and she slid off.
   As she grew older, another cat entered the house, Lillan (during later years four more cats came to our family). She was the daughter to Sessan's half-sister Molle, and she was owned by one of my sisters. They were sent to the vet. together to be sterilized. As I was only 11 I had nothing to say  or anything about if my baby should undergo this procedure.
   She almost died that night.
   The vet did something wrong. When she was sent home, my parents too was sure she'd die. Dad lay in the sofa with her inside his shirt, trying to get her temperature up. They didn't want to worry me, so they didn't tell me until she got a little better. And yes, she did get better, but not completely. After that she developed cat-asthma, and often had a cough. It was tough keeping her weight at a normal number. From the year she turned eight she had urine-infections each winter.
   One year the penicillin didn't work. It had spread to the kidneys or something. The two options was operation, or put down. Given her age, 13,5 years, and health (lousy at best), she'd never survive the narcosis, not to mention the operation. As she was in pain there was only one option for me.
   After the decision was made it went quickly. The vet gave her a shot and I got to hold her as she began to fall asleep. It took a while, and I cried the whole time. As her head began to drop down her chest she suddenly looked at me, puffing at my cheek three times with her nose. It was like she was telling me "don't worry mommy, everything is going to be fine" and then she put her head down on my arm and closed her eyes.  Yes, I cried worse. I hugged her, feeling her body become limp. And cried even worse. 
   I wanted my kitty back! And I still do... Will this pain ever be gone?
   I took her body with me. I drove straight to my dad's job, going in and just hugged him, crying like Hell. I couldn't stop. He got tears in his eyes too. As I had treated Sessan like my daughter, the fact that my parents somewhat treated her like their granddaughter never troubled me. So it must have been hard for him too. To us she wasn't just a cat. And I despise people that say "But it's just an animal". And the worst thing I've heard was one that said that animals doesn't have soul. My baby did have a soul!
   I got a box from dad's job that I put in the car, slowly making my way home. It was hard driving 'cus of the tears in my eyes. Coming home I readied the box. I put newspapers on the bottom, then a towel. I took out Sessan's favorite blanket. A pink one with white paw-prints on it. I took her body out of the cage and wrapped her in it. First I held her, not wanting to believe that she actually was gone. Then I put her down in the box. If one just looked at her, one could think she was asleep. She looked so peaceful....
   That evening I took her home to my dad, and we buried her together behind the house, right next to the grave of one of the family's dogs, Nemi. There they both lay, their graves looking over the fields, the morning-sun warming them. 
I thought that was the worse.
It wasn't.
The worst part was coming home to an empty apartment. Seeing Sessan in the corner of my eyes. Hearing her. Turning my head to tell her something funny I've read on the computer. And realizing that she wasn't there... That I'll never see her again. Never hear her nagging at me again. Comforting me as I cry.
   She had this peculiar way of going down the stairs (29 steps), first came her forepaws, then the back came with a thud. Each step sounded like that. Something that happened several times, was that as I stepped in through the front door, I could actually hear her coming down the stairs (she always welcomed me home) but as I turned away there was no-one there. It actually rook me a month to put her stuff away. Her plates had just been washed the day we went to the vet, her litter-box too. I couldn't look at it, crying if I did so. Trying to put it away was like digging a knife into my body and twitching it.
   In the end I did put it away. Crying like the day she died.
   I said I never wanted a cat again. I didn't want to feel like I did ever again. I didn't want to get attached to another being and then have to decide his/or hers death.

   But I was lonely. And as I was on the net, on a page that sells everything, I accidentally dropped into the cats section. I was just looking. One ad was about Holy Birmas, and I fell into one of their pages.
   And there she was.
   x   Eight months old.
   x   Still with the breeder (she was supposed to stay there, but she got navel-hernia, and thus, it was not meant to be).
   x   Her full name is "Unbreak my Heart" (I actually told my best friend when Sessan died that my heart was broken)
   x   The breeder called her Sessan.

   I'm not very religious, but I saw signs here! It was like someone was banging on my head with a giant hammer in order to get my attention. Me and my dad and a sister went and got her.
   They are not alike at all, neither in appearance or behavior. That is good. Sessan will always be my firstborn, nothing will ever change that. She will always be in my heart.

A heart that isn't as broken as it was before. Simi is doing her best to mend it.


Writer's Block: Part deux

Which movie sequel do you like better than the first, and why?

     Just LOVED Fast Five!!!!!!

Writer's Block: Fairest one of all

What is something you would never want to change about yourself?

    My fearlessness when it comes to colouring my hair. I have no problem choosing green, blue, red or purple. And I hope I will still colour it in these colours when I turn 60.

Writer's Block: The long and short of it

What's the longest book you've ever read? What's the shortest?

The longest book, as I know of at the moment is the Swedish version of Stephen King's It: 1188 pages.
The shortest..... must be my childhood's pictures book made out of wood.

Writer's Block: Your own toy story

Did you have a favorite stuffed animal, action figure, or doll growing up? If so, what was it and what happened to it?

When I was little I had this stuffed teadybear in the colour pink. On a photo from the evening of my first birthday, when I turned one, I'm sleeping with that in my bed (together with the family's cat). Now, 24 years later, I still have it in my bed (at times with my own cat). Not that I'm very fond of pink... But it share a spot with another pair of stuffed animals I got as a kid, another bear named Bruno, and a stuffed blue dog that can sing, and yes, his name is Bluey.

Writer's Block: Peace of mind

What kind of spiritual or meditative practice keeps you feeling zen?

Usually I lay down on the bed or in the sofa. Close my eyes and drift. The trick is that when the body becomes numb, not to go on to sleep but stay there. Sometimes it's completely quiet around me, other times I have music turned on. 


I just woke, must have dozed off there around half past six or something. A guy from work called, he thinks he's getting sick so he was wondering if it was possible if I could work tomorrow and Friday. I fell so guilty when I said that I couldn't, that I was already working at another place. I always feel that way when I can't work.... Pity I can't split in two.
Sitting here now watching Smallville, wondering if I want to do anything today. Or just stay in the sofa with Simi purring at my side. 
I should unpack the bag. I should..... But then I should a-lot of things.
We'll see what happens during the day, but the word Lazy comes to mind. 
Passed by the paprika plant btw, and it looks better already, The leafs are almost normal, and lifted up instead of the wrinkled and "I'm-dying!!"-look it had yesterday.
Now I'm logging off. An old Classic has just started on Cartoon Network, and I'm definitely seeing it! Who can not see "Pinky and the Brain?"
I feel like five again...

Back Home

Finally back home after nine days on course. Coming through the front door I whistled and the head of my cat popped forward on top of the stairs. She stared at me, not believing her own eyes. Then I whistled again and she ran down as fast as she could! I lifted her up, hugging her and telling her that mommy was home now. She rode on my shoulder all the way up the stairs, purring. A really good sign! 
I dropped my bag in the upper hallway - and yes it still lies there - got my uniform off. Then I took my little Simi and went to the living room. I turned on the TV, the computer and lay down on the sofa with my sweetie on my stomach. And she lies there, purring, and not taking her eyes off me.
Makes it really hard to handle the computer!
She hasn't left my side this whole evening. And she'll get really pissed when I have to go to work tomorrow.
One of my younger sisters was supposed to stay over here when I was gone, so that Simi would get food and company. But she ran away to some festival :( and I was not happy about it. Tried finding someone else, but there was none.
Then my older sister agreed to come by and give Simi food and water, but cuddling could be a bit difficult, given the fact that she's allergic. But her husband and kids did it instead. And they've done a terrific job!! 
The only thing they didn't manage was watering my plants....  Still have to see if I can save the paprika plant....




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July 2011